Waking up in this body

When i close my eyes the moment right before i fall asleep i like to imagine i will wake up and this nightmare will be over. I can't believe im going on 7 years of being sick and it still feels forgien to me.

On the typical morning my eyes will open though i cannot see i stumble to the bathroom. Sometimes its to get sick, sometimes i bump something and it screws up the rest of my day. I remember when i used to leap out of bed, run to gather myself and head out the door. I could run around all day long. Playing superwoman....i miss those days.

I hate those times when i wake up and it feels like all the energy has been sapped out of me. Those days i literally sleep all day. I wish i could describe this living hell better but its so difficult with this mental confusion. I used to feel so bright and intelligent, I'm lucky I can formulate my words today. I pray this makes sense.

My mind and body aches, I don't have the energy to keep fighting. I want to entertain my friends, and work a full time job. I wish the highlight of my week was making all my doctors appointments on time and taking a shower. People my age (20's) take everything they do for granted....i dont have that luxury.

I will close my eyes again tonight, praying tomorrow will be different. but as we all know there are no guarentees in life.