Changes

Sometimes the hardest desicions we make, can make the biggest impact on our lives. We struggle with defining who WE are. It really comes down to comfort, when you really think about it. We are more comfortable being in a situation, wether thats a relationship, job/career, certain family members, friends etc. We would rather be stuck in a job we hate that barely pays the bills then take a risk.

Alot of people will say, Well I am too old to change, or start from scratch. Thats the day you decided to give up. Being comfortable in a loveless marriage, because why "rock the boat". Or telling yourself everyday, I just have to push through…it will pass.

REALITY CHECK! Thats the day you lost your passion for life. That's the day you GAVE UP! And this is your wake up call. If you are passionate about something, you need to go for it. Get out of your comfort zone, make the changes and choices today that affect who you WANT to be, and not who you think you are. This is no easy feat, coming from personal experience; I've made choices to change my life, because I knew if I didn't, I would lose who I want to be.

When I was 18, I was dating a guy for nearly 3 years. We lived together, planned on getting married. I finally got tired of trying to change him, and I hated myself for settling. I made the hardest desicon of my life, I woke up one day and said IM OUT! I called a friend, she brought over boxes, and we packed everything I owned into her car. I didn't have the money to leave, I didn't know where I would live..I just knew if I stayed it would cost me more then just uncertainity. Before I left, I told Fred* (name changed DUH!) that if he really loved me, he would follow me. I told him I am not coming back, I have to change my life and that starts by stepping out the front door. I never looked back…..


This lead me down a road which forced me to grow as a person and experience parts of life that can only be experienced not taught. What I'm trying to say is, don't settle because you are afraid of the consequences. Be brave, take that first step, it may surprise you what you find once you take that first step of faith.

Get out of comfort zone, if you're afraid of public places, head down to your local pub and just talk to people. You think your too old to start over? Do something you love, and trust me no one cares how old you are. Take a class at a local community college, go sing at a karaoke bar! Enjoy life, because you only have 1. And when it's over, do you want to look back and say "i wish i had", "i should have", "i could have"…..say "I DID! AND IT WAS WORTH IT!".



This applies to spoonies as well, Not happy with your care? SAY SOMETHING, stop letting the doctors and unsupportive family walk all over you. This is your life, so step up and do something.




"There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~Elbert Hubbard"


"Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. ~Mary Pickford"

Waking up in this body

When i close my eyes the moment right before i fall asleep i like to imagine i will wake up and this nightmare will be over. I can't believe im going on 7 years of being sick and it still feels forgien to me.

On the typical morning my eyes will open though i cannot see i stumble to the bathroom. Sometimes its to get sick, sometimes i bump something and it screws up the rest of my day. I remember when i used to leap out of bed, run to gather myself and head out the door. I could run around all day long. Playing superwoman....i miss those days.

I hate those times when i wake up and it feels like all the energy has been sapped out of me. Those days i literally sleep all day. I wish i could describe this living hell better but its so difficult with this mental confusion. I used to feel so bright and intelligent, I'm lucky I can formulate my words today. I pray this makes sense.

My mind and body aches, I don't have the energy to keep fighting. I want to entertain my friends, and work a full time job. I wish the highlight of my week was making all my doctors appointments on time and taking a shower. People my age (20's) take everything they do for granted....i dont have that luxury.

I will close my eyes again tonight, praying tomorrow will be different. but as we all know there are no guarentees in life.