DONT TOUCH ME!

This is a letter my fiance has written up, I am pretty sure he will be giving it to someone at my health insurance or maybe my doctor. Anyways, we all know what its like to live in daily chronic pain but what about an outsiders view in? Are they suffering as well? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our problems we forget the people closest to us are watching. Anyways here is the letter......

Notes on altered behavior in people with untreated chronic pain

David Kangas

Pain is a powerful force.  In most people, it’s an automatic signal from your body telling you that something is wrong.  It tells you that it’s not smart to put your hand on that stovetop.  It tells you that bear traps probably aren’t the best things to step in.  But in some people, pain is just an aspect of everyday life.

My personal experience with chronic pain comes from my relationship with my fiance.  She has a disorder that magnifies the level of pain she’s in.  Add onto that slipped discs in her lower back, arthritis in her neck, and a hyper-mobility disorder that causes frequent dislocations and joint pain.  Any one of these chronic conditions warrants proper medical treatment and pain management... however, she receives neither.

Since her pain has been gradually intensifying over the past eight months, I’ve noticed a drastic swing in her behavior.  After a while, she started having feelings of bitterness and anger towards her doctor and the healthcare system.  That anger quickly spread out to family, friends, random people on the street.  Then came the depression as she started to realize that her pain was not going to go away.  Eventually, the pain started causing severe stress tension in her back, aggravating her slipped discs and arthritis.  This led to her cutting off physical contact with the people around her... she could not tolerate people touching her for fear of increased pain.  Finally, the lack of physical contact has led her to start cutting off emotional ties.

Today, she cannot connect with anybody around her.  She has no patience for anything or anyone, and the smallest setback in her day sends her into a deep depression.  She actively tries to drive away her support system (including myself), and on her worst days she considers suicide as an alternative to a life in constant pain.  I strongly suspect that those ideations will turn serious if she does not acquire pain management soon.  She is not mentally ill, nor is she seeking out narcotics for a drug high.  She only seeks out relief, and is denied at every turn.  She cries.  She screams.  She threatens.  She wants to die.